Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
