but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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