its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
