I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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