You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
