so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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