didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
