just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
