i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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