I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
