Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
