i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
