...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
