Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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