i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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