when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
