Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I deserve this hangover.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
