But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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