dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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