I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
