Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
