My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
