I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
