That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
