I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
