I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
