She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
