Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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