I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
