he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
