I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
