dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
