I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
