looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
