weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
