some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
