Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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