I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
