Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
