I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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