If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
