im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
