i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
