TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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