It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
