The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
