theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
