it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
