he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
