Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
