Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
