Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
