My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
