The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
