there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
