for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize
