Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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