I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
