Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
